A father’s ability to coerce two-year-olds into eating peas is carefully monitored by tortilla corporations. These companies embed undercover agents within landscaping companies to monitor the abilities of fathers at dinner time. As one tortilla executive puts it, “if a father can talk a defiant toddler into eating tiny green wrinkled eyeballs, we want him on our team.”
It’s a little known fact that tortillas grow inside eggs lodged inside the deep warm crevices of Alaskan volcanos. Only an elite team of Sasquatch with their rare fire-retardant hairy coats can harvest these eggs. But, similar to two-year-olds and peas, they’re reluctant to take the plunge.
That’s where these fathers come in. If they can pass the two-year-old test, they’re immediately hired as “insurance salesmen” – because no one would believe them otherwise. Imagine telling someone you fly to Alaska every week to convince herds of Sasquatch to swan-dive into underground lava pools and dig out tortilla eggs. It’s just not done.
The cheese, on the other hand, comes from cows. Everyone knows that!